Off-Topic
I ate the equivalent of 2 large pizzas today... :X never again. Must start eating better. I've gone off the rails a little with feeling increasingly unwell.
Christ, you sound like a Yank. *Points and laughs* Keep eating and drinking like that and you'll look like one in short order too. :D
Agreed, plates are for noobs.
There was a boy who worked in the produce section of a market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, only a half.
The boy explained that he would have to ask the manager and so he walked into the back room and said, "There is some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce."
As he finished saying this, he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he quickly added, "and this gentleman wants to buy the other half".
The manager okayed the request and the man went on his way. Later on the manager said to the boy, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?"
The boy replied, "Minnesota sir".
"Oh, really? Why did you leave Minnesota" asked the manager. The boy replied, "They're all just whores and hockey players up there."
"My wife is from Minnesota!"
The boy replied, "Really! What team did she play for?"
There was a boy who worked in the produce section of a market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, only a half.
The boy explained that he would have to ask the manager and so he walked into the back room and said, "There is some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce."
As he finished saying this, he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he quickly added, "and this gentleman wants to buy the other half".
The manager okayed the request and the man went on his way. Later on the manager said to the boy, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?"
The boy replied, "Minnesota sir".
"Oh, really? Why did you leave Minnesota" asked the manager. The boy replied, "They're all just whores and hockey players up there."
"My wife is from Minnesota!"
The boy replied, "Really! What team did she play for?"
I dated a girl like that in high school, lol. Crazy as a shithouse rat.
[Broken External Image]:http://imgur.com/gallery/2mlDokF
Attachments
Why does this not surprise me even a little bit?
JAPANESE television shows are known for being out there — but this karaoke game show comes with some stiff competition and a twist.
The show, Sing What Happened, involves contestants singing a song without becoming distracted by a woman beside them — who is giving them a handjob.To win, the contestant must finish the song without ... finishing. Do you get our drift?
The show, Sing What Happened, involves contestants singing a song without becoming distracted by a woman beside them — who is giving them a handjob.To win, the contestant must finish the song without ... finishing. Do you get our drift?
Gynecologist Turned mechanic
A gynecologist who had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO
paperwork decided to give up practicing medicine.
Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a
mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.
When the time for the practical exam approached, the former gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to
find that he had obtained a score of 150%.
.
Fearing an error, he called the instructor,
saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade."
The instructor said,
"During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly which was worth 50% of the total mark."
"You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."
After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because in my entire
career I've never seen it all done through the muffler!"
A gynecologist who had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO
paperwork decided to give up practicing medicine.
Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a
mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.
When the time for the practical exam approached, the former gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to
find that he had obtained a score of 150%.
.
Fearing an error, he called the instructor,
saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade."
The instructor said,
"During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly which was worth 50% of the total mark."
"You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."
After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because in my entire
career I've never seen it all done through the muffler!"
Members online
No members online now.