The Next Step Is...?
Here we are. After all this time. I was looking back through some old stuff and found that I madee my first purchase toward my first marine aquarium a good 12 months before I actually bought the aquarium. Randomly enough, it was a bunch of Red Sea supplements from Reef Secrets that sat there waiting for me to use them. That was 2012. I was reading the MASA forum and looking around here and other websites as far back as 2011.
So much has happened since then.
I am in a place of uncertainty at the moment. My mental health has been fine for a while now. I feel pretty normal again which is nice. My physical health is not good though. I've finally had some breakthroughs with diagnoses and they've all come at once. I have so many doctor appointments, my "days off" are full and it's spilling into my heavily reduced work hours. I've been told to work only 15 hours a week for the time being. It was meant to increase once I felt like I was improving, but now things are just getting worse in a different way and as we learn more, choices need to be made.
I had spinal surgery last year on my lumbar spine to fix a bulged disc. The disc is fine and hasn't re-bulged, but I have been diagnosed with degenerative disc disease. I have had continual pain at the site of the surgery which should have stopped by now and the surgeon said that I would probably need a disc replacement. I could deal with that on its own, but when I went to have an MRI for the Neurologist I'd been assigned to investigate my migraines, the report has come back discussing that my brain is mostly fine. There's an artery in my brain connected in a less common way to most people but it's not a big deal. The Cervical spine however is, and this is the technical term I believe... Screwed. There are bulges at about 4 levels and osteophytes (bone spurs) poking into where the nerves run through the spine. It explains why I have been losing the feeling in various parts of my body for a while. I also have some hearing loss and tinnitus. I have had hearing tests and everything but nothing showed up as wrong. I was told my hearing is perfect... But I need subtitles on the TV to be able to hear things the rest of my family can hear perfectly.
I went to my physiotherapist and took the report along because I trust her to interpret the results accurately and with greater accuracy when discussing the treatment. She so far has diagnosed all of my other issues that I have seen her about even when doctors hadn't been able to. So she basically had a *look* cross her face. It's not good. The cervical spine is pretty packed with extra bone and is causing real problems. I had gone to see her that day because I lost the feeling down the right side of my body a couple of nights earlier and then my right arm and hand and left hand at work the day before. She figured out in about 3 seconds that it's "Thoracic Outlet Syndrome". Basically, the muscles that go between your neck and chest alongside your neck have blood vessels and/or nerves passing between them and these are being squeezed because the gaps are too small, or my muscles are tensing etc. this is leading to my losing sensation and weakness in my hands. It also causes me to become dizzy and faint.
About the only solution to any of these issues is... Surgery! My appointment with the Neurosurgeon regarding my lumbar spine was going to take forever, May in Sydney or August/September on the coast. I had chosen May but now they are fitting me in urgently next week as this report and its indications change everything.
I am a little overwhelmed by the need for surgery again and so soon. The doctor hasn't said it because I haven't seen him yet... But there is nothing else that can be done. If left to go, I will lose more control of my limbs than I already have. I have been told for so long that it was all in my head I had started to believe it. I put my symptoms down to exhaustion, medication for my depression symptoms, rushing around, being clumsy and lazy. It turns out that none of those things are truthfully the answers.
The scary part is the financial impact really. We had to make enormous adjustments to the way we dealt with money last year. I've added up roughly that I the next week I'll be spending about $500 on doctors appointments and Physio. My husband has a good job, but my income shrinking down so much lately is really taking its toll. We had just begun to save again after having to pay for last year's operation and now we're facing another, this time you have to assume it will cost a heck of a lot more. We don't have the money at all. I don't know what to do. I can't go much longer before my body gives up. Today I couldn't get out of bed to go to church, my whole right side was significantly weaker than my left and I've been having a lot of pain. I spent most of the day lying down.
I've considered whether or not to sell my aquarium. I don't want to. It's mine. It makes all of us happy and it's so relaxing. My husband and my daughter love it dearly. If I sold it, it wouldn't cover everything we'll need for the bills. It might help pay some things... But not the lot. I love my fish like I love my dog. I enjoy my corals, I used to study horticulture when I first left high school and I have a deep love for gardening and tending plants but I can't do much now due to my back. The aquarium is like an indoor garden to me. It's something I can grow and tend. The ongoing costs of the aquarium are mildly concerning in all this. I can do water changes less frequently, and if necessary even force my poor husband to collect ASW and bring it home instead of buying salt. The skimmer is shit and needs replacing. Parts of it are wearing out and I don't know how much longer it will last. I also really want to buy a new wave maker to try to fix the flow issues in the display, but the Tunzes are still going and that's good enough for now. Coral purchases are basically on hold for now. My husband made that clear enough when I had to use my aquarium budget funds on a doctor's appointment last week. I've stopped going to the hairdresser, not just because my old one killed my hair, but because the husband can't see the point of it and it saves money.
So, I don't know what to do. We have all the expenses families have and it seems that my hobby is about the last source of funds separate to our work which could help even if only a bit.
I have an appointment with the psych my work sends me to to determine my "fitness for duties" tomorrow (today now). I'll go over all this new stuff with her, because it could be a game changer.
Off to sleep... As best as I can anyhoo...
So much has happened since then.
I am in a place of uncertainty at the moment. My mental health has been fine for a while now. I feel pretty normal again which is nice. My physical health is not good though. I've finally had some breakthroughs with diagnoses and they've all come at once. I have so many doctor appointments, my "days off" are full and it's spilling into my heavily reduced work hours. I've been told to work only 15 hours a week for the time being. It was meant to increase once I felt like I was improving, but now things are just getting worse in a different way and as we learn more, choices need to be made.
I had spinal surgery last year on my lumbar spine to fix a bulged disc. The disc is fine and hasn't re-bulged, but I have been diagnosed with degenerative disc disease. I have had continual pain at the site of the surgery which should have stopped by now and the surgeon said that I would probably need a disc replacement. I could deal with that on its own, but when I went to have an MRI for the Neurologist I'd been assigned to investigate my migraines, the report has come back discussing that my brain is mostly fine. There's an artery in my brain connected in a less common way to most people but it's not a big deal. The Cervical spine however is, and this is the technical term I believe... Screwed. There are bulges at about 4 levels and osteophytes (bone spurs) poking into where the nerves run through the spine. It explains why I have been losing the feeling in various parts of my body for a while. I also have some hearing loss and tinnitus. I have had hearing tests and everything but nothing showed up as wrong. I was told my hearing is perfect... But I need subtitles on the TV to be able to hear things the rest of my family can hear perfectly.
I went to my physiotherapist and took the report along because I trust her to interpret the results accurately and with greater accuracy when discussing the treatment. She so far has diagnosed all of my other issues that I have seen her about even when doctors hadn't been able to. So she basically had a *look* cross her face. It's not good. The cervical spine is pretty packed with extra bone and is causing real problems. I had gone to see her that day because I lost the feeling down the right side of my body a couple of nights earlier and then my right arm and hand and left hand at work the day before. She figured out in about 3 seconds that it's "Thoracic Outlet Syndrome". Basically, the muscles that go between your neck and chest alongside your neck have blood vessels and/or nerves passing between them and these are being squeezed because the gaps are too small, or my muscles are tensing etc. this is leading to my losing sensation and weakness in my hands. It also causes me to become dizzy and faint.
About the only solution to any of these issues is... Surgery! My appointment with the Neurosurgeon regarding my lumbar spine was going to take forever, May in Sydney or August/September on the coast. I had chosen May but now they are fitting me in urgently next week as this report and its indications change everything.
I am a little overwhelmed by the need for surgery again and so soon. The doctor hasn't said it because I haven't seen him yet... But there is nothing else that can be done. If left to go, I will lose more control of my limbs than I already have. I have been told for so long that it was all in my head I had started to believe it. I put my symptoms down to exhaustion, medication for my depression symptoms, rushing around, being clumsy and lazy. It turns out that none of those things are truthfully the answers.
The scary part is the financial impact really. We had to make enormous adjustments to the way we dealt with money last year. I've added up roughly that I the next week I'll be spending about $500 on doctors appointments and Physio. My husband has a good job, but my income shrinking down so much lately is really taking its toll. We had just begun to save again after having to pay for last year's operation and now we're facing another, this time you have to assume it will cost a heck of a lot more. We don't have the money at all. I don't know what to do. I can't go much longer before my body gives up. Today I couldn't get out of bed to go to church, my whole right side was significantly weaker than my left and I've been having a lot of pain. I spent most of the day lying down.
I've considered whether or not to sell my aquarium. I don't want to. It's mine. It makes all of us happy and it's so relaxing. My husband and my daughter love it dearly. If I sold it, it wouldn't cover everything we'll need for the bills. It might help pay some things... But not the lot. I love my fish like I love my dog. I enjoy my corals, I used to study horticulture when I first left high school and I have a deep love for gardening and tending plants but I can't do much now due to my back. The aquarium is like an indoor garden to me. It's something I can grow and tend. The ongoing costs of the aquarium are mildly concerning in all this. I can do water changes less frequently, and if necessary even force my poor husband to collect ASW and bring it home instead of buying salt. The skimmer is shit and needs replacing. Parts of it are wearing out and I don't know how much longer it will last. I also really want to buy a new wave maker to try to fix the flow issues in the display, but the Tunzes are still going and that's good enough for now. Coral purchases are basically on hold for now. My husband made that clear enough when I had to use my aquarium budget funds on a doctor's appointment last week. I've stopped going to the hairdresser, not just because my old one killed my hair, but because the husband can't see the point of it and it saves money.
So, I don't know what to do. We have all the expenses families have and it seems that my hobby is about the last source of funds separate to our work which could help even if only a bit.
I have an appointment with the psych my work sends me to to determine my "fitness for duties" tomorrow (today now). I'll go over all this new stuff with her, because it could be a game changer.
Off to sleep... As best as I can anyhoo...