A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two
black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally, the Doctor asked him, 'What happened to YOU?'
'Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a
difficult hole, we both sliced our golf balls into a field of cattle.
We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of
the cows had something white at its rear end.'
'I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball
with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's arse.
Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!''
'I don't remember much after that'
In a month or so, they'll be right inshore here in Maryland. I've never seen a Whaler up close and personal. Plenty of Sand tigers, Hammerheads and Tiger sharks and of all of them, the the Tiger makes me the most uncomfortable in the water, especially when M is diving with me. When the movie JAWS came out, it started me on a long journey of hunting sharks, not to kill, but to gather data, tag and release, 143 to date. Everything from 2 metre Nurse sharks to 5 metre Tigers. They just recaptured one of the tags I released back in 1995.
With the Holidays close upon us, I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving.
As you know, some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time, often on the way home after a "social session" with family or friends.
Well, two days ago, this happened to me. I was out for an evening with friends and had more than several beers followed by a couple of bottles of rather nice red wine.
Although relaxed, I still had the common sense to know I was slightly over the limit. That's when I did something slightly different - I took a taxi home.
Sure enough on the way there was a police roadblock, but since it was a taxi they waved it past and I arrived home safely without incident.
This was a real surprise to me, because I had never driven a taxi before. I don't know where I got it, and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it.
So, anyway, if you want to borrow it give me a call.
That looks like a hell of a lot of fun to me. I'd celebrate Australia day with you, but it's broom handle cold up here. Broom handle cold is when it's so cold that you have to use a broom handle to push the little fella out from the other side because of cold shrinkage. :D
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”